3 Week s in and i feel the difference.

So it's been about 3 weeks since I started my treatment, and it's going great. I’ve had no cravings so far, which is wonderful. Today, my mother gave me $320 dollars to deposit it into her bank account. When i got a hold of the money so many thoughts ran through my mind. But they were all positive thoughts. I couldn’t believe my mom trusted me with this amount of cash so soon. And to top it all what made it really special was that I didn’t get a craving. If you handed me that much money a month ago, I would’ve probably ran to my dealer and gotten enough dope to leave me numb from everything for a long time. Enough to make me forget what I had just done. But I’m glad that I didn’t even consider this an option. I’m glad that when I got the money, I didn’t associate it with dope. That’s another big thing for me. Whenever I used to get money, I would say, ‘Oh nice! Now I can get a bundle’. And I went living like that completely ignoring what was going on around me. Bills were pilling up, I started to owe my boss more money (I still owe him money. I’m just scared to tell him I’m in any kind of treatment.). Well, enough of my past with heroin. I didn’t want this post to be about that. I wanted it to be about my recovery going well.
I must tell the truth. After reading much material that has caused me to be alarmed about the use of methadone, I told the nurse at the window who gives me the daily doses that I wanted to go down 10mg. She said that this was something I should discuss with my counselor. The nurses aren’t allowed to go up nor down on someone’s dose without there being an order in for it. I understood that.
Forgive me for not explaining my reasons for this decision up until now. I’ve been reading about how hard it is to come off of Methadone. About how much pain you go through and for how long. I’ve discussed this with my mom, and she said “at least your drug use won’t be causing pain to yourself or your family”. I’ve told her that it’s keeping me from using heroin because it’s blocking my cravings. So she knows why I’m taking it. You see my mom wasn’t born in the U.S. so she doesn’t know anything about it. So it’s one of those things that you must do for the good of the community. I mean, after the many years of torment my drinking and drug use has caused. This is the least I can do. And as far as the withdrawal pain, I can just check myself into a detox facility when it gets really worse and then go on Suboxone. I heard that it’s easier to detox from Suboxone then Methadone. So I guess I just acted on impulse. I’ve been diagnosed with having Borderline Personality Disorder. And people who suffer from it apparently act on impulses a lot of the time.
So At this point in treatment, I can’t complain about anything. The clinic’s nurses are very nice and friendly to you. Counselors and doctors are nice. No one is being nasty or rude. That was another thing that I’ve read about a lot in forums online. But I guess I got lucky and picked the friendly clinic. I also went to my psychotherapy appointment and did the intake. I went to my general physician’s appointment. Now I’m going to the dentist on Monday. So I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing when you are new in sobriety, and that’s trying to take care of you in every way possible.